Why now?

Why now?  Why do the tears come now?  Is it guilt or sorrow or an emotion not yet identified?  I opened my daily mail, which contained forwarded mail from Tucson, AZ, where Michael lived.  A package contained an assortment of paperwork, bills, and cards.  A card from his cousin read, "Dear June, the last time we saw Mike all he talked about was how much he missed his family.  He showed us pictures of you and the girls.  He loved his family so much".  What am I supposed to do with that pain?

It literally knocks the breath out of me.  Have you ever fallen down and had the breath knocked out of you?  That is what this feels like.  When I fight the pain that follows that, I am left with a deadness...a loss of physical awareness.  My precious husband.  My dear precious husband missing us yet not knowing how to let us know.

Again, why now?  I have to drive to Rose Hill and pick my daughters up from their first day of school.  Time to put on courage.